Funny how.....

I once saw a picture on facebook, of course, that had said something to the extent that a best friend can always tell if something is wrong.  Funny how that works!  Even in a text there are about four people in my life (family excluded) that can just tell when things aren't quite right with me, and it made me think.  About strength.

My strength is something I am proud of, both physical and emotional.  Physically, I believe, I am a strong girl.  No, I am not a professional weigh-lifter or body-builder, so I am not THAT strong; however, I am strong enough to lift, carry and move things that other women my age are not.  No, I am not stronger than everyone, but I am strong enough to be happy with it.

My emotional strength is comforting to me.  If you have read many of the things I've posted through the past year, I have experienced many life changing events.  With each of these things, I have been able to pick myself back up and keep going.  With each devastating tragedy that has occurred, I haven't stayed down long.  Life is just too short to live unhappy, sad, or troubled.

I have to admit, though, there are days when all of my optimism just doesn't cut it and the joyful memories I have make me miss my mother terribly.  The other day was one of those days.  As I was decorating, unpacking boxes and putting my house back together from having my new carpets and hard wood floors put in, I came across my father's last Christmas letter.  I had kept it, knowing that the information held there was important to me.  It captured some of the positive things that year in 2001.  But it's funny how this letter, putting out my mom's baskets and thinking about Christmas, can trigger memories you haven't thought about in years.  Thinking about the last time I held my mom's hand, thinking of the time she asked me if I ever shut up, thinking of the time I had to get her ready for Christmas, thinking of the times we decorated the tree together growing up and listened to my favorite Christmas songs.  Just thinking about a rush of positive and heart-wrenching memories all at once.  These are the times I get down.  Remembering all these things makes me miss her terribly.  I try not to be selfish and want her back.  I know that she's so much more comfortable now, no pain, no cancer, no burdens, no worries.  I couldn't wish her back in those conditions even if it was possible, I wouldn't want her to suffer for my desire to see her.  With all of these thoughts tears come, and overwhelm my vision.

And you wanna know something?  It pisses me off!  Lol, I just can't stand to be that down.  Today, I sit and laugh at how down I was yesterday and wonder why I let myself get that way.  I have the emotional strength to get through that, I am strong.  And it's funny, I sit here knowing how hypocritical I am.  I would tell any of you going through any situation that sometimes you have to cry, sometimes you are going to have those days, sometimes, you just have to let go - it heals you.  But I'm not allowed.  I would listen to any of my friends, relate to them, share stories of sadness and joys, and encourage them to lean on me.  But I'm not allowed.  Three times yesterday, people reached out to me and allowed me to lean on them, encouraged me, and wanted to support me with their strength.  But I find it funny how I don't allow myself that luxury.  I don't know whether it is my pride or my independence, but I just don't like to let others hold me through things.

I have to learn to let it happen, and I am thankful for those who are teaching me.....

Live Like You Are Dying?

Guess what, each breath we take is one breath closer to our deaths.  Well, it is if you really think about it in that way.  Who knows when, where and how - but really, every step we take is one step closer to death.  Wow, those are some pretty wicked statements!!  With that being cleared up - what the heck is my point?

Oh, my point?  Well, so - here it is....live like you are dying!  I have no clue when cancer is gonna get me - I'm not certain it will, but, I'm guessing it will.  I have no clue when my life will be utterly changed.  Following this principal, I should party like a rock star, right?  I mean, who knows, I could keel over tomorrow for all I know!  So, forget responsibility, forget what you have to do and go out and have fun!!  Live it UP!!!

HA!  That's a laugh!  I know I'm the out-going optimistic one, but let's get back to reality!  Reality is, that I could last another 100 years, lol!  So, if I party like a rock star all the time and forget all of my responsibilities, I am going to be up a creek without a paddle.  There's a fine line there that I am treading.  I am sure I am disappointing some who are examining the style of my current life, but my philosophies are being really explored these days.

Can I just say that I have a to do list a mile long.  I have things I have to do, things I need to do, things I want to do and things I'd like to do that are sprinkled through that list.  I am a very goal oriented person.  I like accomplishment.  I like responsibility and doing it well.  I love my job.  I love having things on my to do list checked off and all of my ducks in a row........but does all that really matter when you're coming closer to the moment of death every second?

You know something, it really doesn't matter.  Who's going to have an epitaph that says, "Cleanest house," or "Bills were always organized," or "Person who has everything done." My epitaph is going to be far more interesting.  Mine is going to incorporate friendship and good times. It is going to have a balance between having a blast all the time and having my responsibilities done.  Priorities are different for each of us and mine are certainly not based solely on productive individual accomplishments, mine involve a healthy serving of a good time.

When I kick the bucket, I hope that I have my bucket list completed, a load of laundry in the wash, and dishes in the sink.  I hope to have made a difference in many of my friends' lives.  I hope to have experiences that are of interest and I expect that there will be things left to be done....but I'll be able to say that I went to the grave with my song sung.

I Have to Admit....

I think I am worse than a guy, lol!  I will admit it.  I am commitment shy.  In my recent post about Matters of the Heart, I indicated that I am ready, so bring it.  Well, I am ready to have my heart broken, my feelings hurt and to get angry......

But, I am really, really commitment shy.  Maybe commitment isn't the right word - but what I'm afraid of something that kinda comes with the commitment - so....I guess I'm labeling it as commitment shy.  So, what am I afraid of?

I am afraid of losing me.  Wow!  Sigh.  There, I said it.  I guess now I can shout it from the roof tops!  I'm afraid that in another relationship, when I close all the doors and sit in a room by myself that I won't be happy.  That when I am all alone I won't feel confident, safe, relieved and happy. 

Now, don't get me wrong here, my ex and I certainly had our issues; however, HE, as a person, did not inflict this sense of losing myself upon me....I did.  I think my friends and family would say that I am a person who gives my all to them.  I am proud of that.  But with everything positive, there is a side of negative.  I as an optimist don't really focus on this, but today, I will. 

Let's say, you (and since I don't know if you, the reader, are a person I know and am friends with, or are a person I have never met, or are even a person that I'm not very keen about, you'll have to play along with me) and I are just becoming friends.  Let's say you and I are out walking around in the park somewhere conversating and it starts to rain.  Let's say, that I am feeling quite happy and uninhibited. Let's say, I, being me, start singing the song, Singing in the Rain, which is something I do a lot when it rains.  Singing that song makes raining a little less saddening to me.  And for this post to completely explain what I'm trying to express, let's say you become very embarrassed and tell me not to sing....

I will never sing with you again.

Ever......    never ever.......  never.

This is what I'm talking about.  I give you my all.  I try and do everything to make you happy as a person; to make you feel confident, comfortable and at ease, I will stop doing the things that make me happy, comfortable, confident and at ease.  And, sooner or later, I have changed myself to be around you.  Not by your choice of wanting me to be someone else, but by my choice of wanting to support you and lift you up.  I will do this to the extreme of denying the things that make me happy.  Yes, I understand, happiness is a choice.  For me, happiness is a choice of actions that increase the feeling.  These actions often times can be seen by another person as annoying, embarrassing, and immature.  Doing a "good-luck kick" down the hallway on a Friday-payday morning is the best thing ever!  Some people, I am sure, think that I am absolutely crazy for it.  I do it just to brighten my day, and it brightens my day even more when you laugh - but if you ask me not to do it, I won't ever do it again while I'm with you.  Even if it makes me happy. 

A relationship does work best if you put the other person first, and I fully plan on doing that; however, I need to find a harmonic balance between putting another person first and saving myself my own happiness.  I need to find that person to share in my happiness and like all the crazy, wild, funny, weird things I do.  One day, I will find the right person to compliment my style of happiness with his own happiness and smile at the things I do for fun.  Until then, I have to admit.....I'm commitment shy.  Afraid of losing my happiness, my true core-being, to someone who is embarrassed by my stunning silliness.

Some Say

Some people say that a glass is half empty when it is truly half full.  Some people say it is partly cloudy when it is really partly sunny.  Some say it is all about perspective.

As I sit here and look at all the negative things I see that have happened in my life, I know I am missing adding things to the list.  Yeah, my mom passed away when I was 23.  Yeah, my oldest child has Aspergers.  Yeah, I got divorced when I was 33.  Yeah, I have been through a lot of crap.  But this is what some people say.

I say, these experiences, these things that I have endured, these life marring events are truly life lessons.  My perspective since my mom had first gotten diagnosed (after my selfish phase was over) has been:  I am who I am because of the experiences I've had, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I live with NO regrets.

I am an optimist, an idealist and a person who likes to look at the world through rose colored glasses.  Yes, these things can be a fault - however, again, these things are all what some say.  I look at my mother passing away and see what a strong and educated woman I have become.  My mother has certainly had a positive influence on my life, and without her becoming diagnosed with it the first time, I realize that it might have taken me MANY years to figure out that my parents were smart and had my best interest in mind...

Matters of the Heart

My father recently told me, "Missy, be careful.  Feelings get hurt, people get angry and hearts get broken."  He is so right.  I can't question the truthfulness in that statement.  He intended to say that to me in reference to me starting dating.  My father's wisdom being nothing new to me, I always take it and truly ponder over it.  He is, in my mind, very wise.

While pondering, I have had the opportunity to see how this statement is true throughout life.  This statement is true, not only for dating, but encompasses the entire capacity of life's relationships.  Child/parent, significant other relationships, friendships, all of these relationships can benefit from those words of wisdom.

More importantly though, I asked myself, why shouldn't I?  Why shouldn't I put myself out there to get my feelings hurt, to get angry, or to have my heart broken.  This happens often anyway with friends, parents and children, so in essence, why not try to find that person that will share in my happiness?

I have concluded that I fully intend to have my heart-broken.  I have that intention because I want to give life my all.  To the people who come in and value me and I feel confident enough to call them my friend, to date them, to have a relationship with them, I feel compelled to share my complete self with them.  To not shelter myself for fear of them getting angry or being hurt.  I am positive I will get angry in life with friends, family and men that I date.  I am positive that I will be hurt by those same people.  And, in fact, have had my heart broken by those same people as well.

In having my heart broken, I have learned, experienced and been changed into who I am today.  I have become a more confident and happier person, even after heart breaks.  Walking away from a heart break, I will be able to honestly say, I gave my all, I didn't hold back, and I will learn from this.  In my opinion....bring it - I'm ready.

My story of how cancer has affected my life....

My friends keep reminding me that this time of year is very difficult for me.  I don't feel it, but I do agree.  I'll share my story...

My momma, was in her early forties when she was diagnosed with breast cancer for the first time.  I was 16.  I was pissed.  At my mom.  Can you believe that she had the audacity to burden me with cancer?  Geesh, how stupid was I!  At that time, though, that is all I thought about.  There I was, the summer before my junior year in high school, wanting to get my driver's license, in a community theatre show, and dating a nice boy.  Her having cancer and finding out it was genetic in nature meant I was going to get it, my dad was going to have to teach me to drive and that she wouldn't be able to take me to practice or on dates with the aforementioned nice boy.  This was all that consumed me.  I cried more for my new destiny of cancer than for my mom going through this.

I mention all of this to enlighten you about how "children" may view the diagnosis of cancer.  It was an absolutely ridiculous way to react and think.  And looking back on that summer, I admit how stupidly selfish and horrible I was.  However, like everything in my life, I do not regret this.  I learned.  I learned an enormous amount. 

That summer and the months following, I observed a lot and had many lessons.  I watched her go through chemotherapy all the while forcing herself to go to work everyday.  She exercised almost daily and made many healthy choices in her life.  She got frustrated when the doctors told her to quit smoking, and replied to the doctors, "Someday they'll find out green beans will give you cancer." She had a mastectomy and did not go through reconstructive surgery.  She LIVED that.  She went through her life dealing well with this sudden diagnosis.  I cried a lot in my room, and after awhile that crying went from crying for me and my destiny to crying for what my mother fought through and endured.  She was amazing through this time.  She was a fighter to the core.  She lost energy, health, stamina and negativity.  She gained courage and strength. 

Things like this always change people, but I have to say I wasn't around to watch that.  My junior year of school, was just another year where I got to see my mother daily at the lunchroom cafeteria where she worked.  Then, I changed, and found out my mom was my best friend....just in time for my senior year and all that comes with it.  My senior year involved cadet teaching, performing in musicals, dating, working, 4-H, socializing, and looking for colleges.  It didn't involving spending exorbitant amounts of time with my mother, but I did learn that year to appreciate her, in a way I will never forget. Then, I went away to college for the typical four years, and found a guy to marry at the end of those years.  In college, I would call home and ask permission from my mother to go shopping or to a movie, just because I missed her.  I would call home any chance I got, just because I missed her.  When I visited home, I would spend all the time I could with her, just because I missed her.  My friends complained, but I didn't care.  And I am so glad I did.  I graduated from college in May of 2000.....

On October 20, 2000, my mother's 49th birthday, she was again diagnosed with cancer.  After months of random health issues, a so-called broken rib, diverticulitis, gall bladder issues, and just feeling yucky, they finally figured out that her cancer had come back and had metastasized.  Since this has been 11 years ago, I don't remember where the cancer had spread, and to what degree it had taken over her body, but I do remember standing in her newly remodeled kitchen, holding her on her birthday.  Me, the selfish child who had grown so much, held my mother and supported her with everything I had. 

Again, my mother fought this.  Fought this with everything she had.  As the cancer had spread to soft tissue organs and within her bones, a different, more powerful, chemotherapy drug was necessary.  My mother took this in stride.  She was an amazing fighter.  She held her grandchildren tightly and loved them dearly.  She made time to spend with family and friends, because that is what uplifted her. Through most of this, I spent one night a week at my parents home to spend time with my mom, it was time I treasured. She smiled more when the cards came in the mail, or when people called to talk to her.  9/11 hit and it devastated her.  We uplifted her by having a surprise birthday party for her that she really didn't want!  She was on high for days from that.  Then, her fight became more difficult as through these months, the chemotherapy would have to be changed to keep the cancer from spreading - not curing - just from spreading.  She had lost all of her hair, which was so hard for her.  Her struggle had become a battle and had increased to an all out war.  She had made it to Christmas.  Her favorite holiday of the year.  I helped her get ready that day.  She had gone from being 5'2" and 160ish pounds to being that height and under 90 pounds.  But with a smile on her face, and presents passed out, she looked amazing.  Merely days after Christmas, I spent a night in the hospital with her, and then suddenly held her hand and let her go to a place where she suffered and fought no more. 

As I face this month, I think about how life impacts you.  I'm proud to say I'm a girl, and am okay with saying that, someday, I will announce I am FIGHTING LIKE A GIRL! Currently, I just look forward to an early onslaught of cancer prevention that will start when I turn 34.  Daily, I take thought in actions of cancer prevention, and I hope you do, too.   

I'm back!!!!

At least to blogging that is!

Since this blog started with some goals - let's just update on those. . .

1.  my goal of happiness - because that was the one word for 2011 that I really wanted to focus on.  Yep, it's achieved and maintaining.  Yes, I have my moments.  Who wouldn't?  Like when my ex talked about going back to court, yeah, I wasn't happy at all; however, overall, so many more happy days (and even on the icky days, so much happier around the icky spots).  I've had so many comments asking if I've grown over the summer.  I'm 33, I'm not growing!  But, I realized this evening that I have grown.  I've grown happier and now stand a little taller and a little prouder!!

2. a goal of losing some weight - it has been achieved.  I have lost 28 pounds.  My goal was to lose 32, and I would still love to do that; however, I realize looking in the mirror, that it's not "weight" I want to lose now, it's the fat - I'll be working on turning that into muscle.  So, my weight goal has become an exercise and healthy eating goal. 

3. that dirty job thing - ugh, with buying and moving into a new to me home, I have done my fair share of dirty jobs.  I will admit that I WILL NOT CLEAN OUT THE SUMP PUMP HOLE!!  I will pay someone to do that if I can't have a family member to do it.  I don't know why, but it creeps me out!!  I almost want to vomit when I go near that hole, lol!!  And, I will also admit that my family and friends have done many dirty jobs at my home.  There were almost 20 of us over the move in days getting me into my home and accomplishing the tasks that were necessary for my home.

4.  blogging my scrapbook things, that's still a goal!  Considering I haven't scrapped all summer and don't even have the scrapbook bags moved into my new home yet (so I'm not distracted, of course) I doubt this goal will be accomplished here soon, but I will be posting some things. . . finishing up an autism series, getting some stuff done on my teacher blog. . . yeah.

5. a new one. . . boxes, to unpack these boxes.  When I got divorced, my ex and I agreed on many things and life was very easy in this area. I was able to take almost all of the treasures from the house.  Currently those treasures are sitting in my "new" basement and I am living with what I need.  So now I am wondering, do I give some things back or have a HUGE garage sale.....lol, we shall see as time goes on!! What do you think I should do??

That Journey thing - yeah - the one to happiness...

Well, some of you know and some of you don't know that my journey to happiness included a big change in life.  Which is why I haven't posted in a while.  Life is an ever changing journey and where you think you have it planned out to go doesn't always happen.  I never had divorce planned in my journey, but it is now. As things are finalized now - these were some of the things that I pondered over while going through the process. 

1. Where in God's name am I going to live?  (Through this process, I do believe that God and I have an understanding and have worked this out.  God and I have been talking a lot lately and so He's not as p.o'd as one might think. A sin is a sin, and forgiveness is forgiveness. Think what you need to, because I do, too.)  So, yes, I'm wondered where in this great beautiful land I would live!  I was lucky enough to stay with some family for about two months.  I think they were as excited to have me as I was excited to have them welcome the boys and me into their home.  Recently, however, I was able to purchase a home.  And let me tell you how invigorating that is!!  I am the proud owner of a three bedroom, two bathroom home with all the stuff inside it! It's a very rewarding feeling.

2. How will all the ends meet?  I guess, in God's hands', they will all come together!

3. I'm changed my name!!  I know I have two kids who will grow up with their momma having a different name - but seriously, it could be worse! They could each have a different name than me and each other!  Considering I work in the schools, I see worse things all the time!  So, darn it, I'm doing it!

4. It will all work out.  Amazingly enough - I know that it will all work out.  No matter what things come my way, I am promising myself that I know, with God's help, everything will be okay.  Everything will work out.  Everything will be okay, and everything will come together just fine.

Sensory Overload Desiring Normal

This month is a time to be aware of Autism.  Autism comes in many shapes, sizes and forms.  Autism is a spectrum disorder that affects each and everyone differently.  Some people can be mildly affected to where it can be seen as a gift; others are more severely affected.

For us at our house, we are mildly affected. The most difficult thing for me sometimes is the sensory issues we have. My loving seven year old, Gabe, has some issues with sensory needs. He craves sensory input to even himself out. So this morning at 7:00 AM, he was wrapped up like a burrito! Or a crepe whichever he prefers at the time. My youngest, Graham, wants to be just like brother. So here are my little burritos watching TV.

 Gabe enjoying some morning cartoons, being disrupted by mom!

My little crepes!  Graham and Gabe spending some brotherly bonding time with the television.

Gabe and his Adventures in Life

Recently, My big G went to a Taekwondo tournament.  I am always amazed and impressed to see him compete.  Although he participates with fewer competitors than the average kid, he still earns what he does.  This being his second tournament, he received two second place medals and is ecstatic to tell you all about them. 

Let me remind you, I'm talking about Gabe.  He's my little man with Autism.  As I have mentioned him to you in a post, The Face of Autism, I wanted to share with you a little bit more about our family's journey with Autism.  Gabe is very high functioning and does quite well for himself, but I am always looking for activities for him to participate in which will benefit him.  As our Autism consultant from the schools and the occupational therapist had recommended, I had considered looking into him joining Taekwondo (tkd).  I was extremely hesitant to do so, because I am such a passive person.  I have been raised to follow my heart and not act with my hands.  So, against my beliefs, I looked into it and wasn't impressed. 

Not two months later, at our county fair, I literally run into a person from the local tkd school.  This family is one that our autism consultant had recommended me to talk with because our sons were so similar.  Their son being 17 and Gabe being 7, I should meet with them and get to know how their son is at 17 because most likely, my son will be similar at that age.  They did not know me, and I did not know how much of an impact they would have on my life!  As this fair was in the summer, I had Gabe signed up right as school was starting.  After meeting them and briefly talking to them I had made the decision that this was the avenue to go. Little did I know what a life changing experience it would be for Gabe.

The rest of his summer was filled with sweet anticipation of what was to come and a lot of watching Kung Fu Panda.  He kept telling me as we would talk about tkd that he wanted to learn Kung Fu!  I tried to steer him in the right direction but not knowing much, I couldn't.  That first week of two classes after school was an absolute disaster for me.  I would get him there, and he was tired and so silly.  He laughed at all the wrong jokes, he was so tired out he didn't want to move correctly.  He looked like a giggly noodle!  Seven months later, what has changed?  He has some muscle tone.  Yes, he is still low tone, but most children with autism are.  He can do a few sit ups and he can make me giggle by attempting a push up.  He has the motor control to move his hands and legs together to do a jumping jack.  He has coordination.  Oh, let me rephrase that, he has some coordination, an improvement, but leaving a lot to be desired still!  ;) 

Which brings us to our most recent events.  After many private lessons, classes, and work at home, Gabe went to a competition and, although, did not perform as well as he could have, he did his best.  He does much better, of course, when he is in a private lesson where there is little distraction.  But in a room with hundreds of people and multiple competitions happening, my amazing Gabe took two second places.  This is one proud mama!






A picture from Gabe's first tournament with his best friend and instructor.  I really wouldn't know what to do without our tkd family. 

Let's revisit some goals, please.....

Okay, so I really am not a goal minded person.  I am not an organized person.  I am not a scheduled person, nor am I punctual.  However, life changes!  I am becoming three out of the four. . . with hopes to become punctual after everything settles down! 

"Settles down?" you ask.  Well, yes, after the major life changes happening in my little section of the world, life will settle down.  My pursuit of happiness, my visions of happiness, and my life have lead me down an ever-changing path.  This path is marked with many caution signs indicating how rough the road will be, but yet again, I do feel that this is the path to happiness.  So, onto some goal making!!

1. Well, number one still has to be happiness, duh!
2. Finish the kitchen.  So, I kind of have a disaster on my hands.  I don't always make life-changing decisions at the best times in my life, to say the least!  So, four bare walls (down to the studs), a half ripped out kitchen floor and the destiny of a new floor and kitchen cabinets are on the way, but don't forget the paint and all the fixings. (I think this will qualify for the next months worth of dirty jobs!)
3. Put the house on the market!  Yes, you heard me correctly.  I'd like to be moving out of this house by August of 11.  Though this house holds MANY precious memories, I'd like to let it go, to open a new chapter in my life.  This is the house my mother moved me into, but in spirit she's with me to move me into another one. And I'm ready for that!
4. Start up my workout routine again.  What a slacker I've been!  I can't believe it, I went from working out two to three days a week to nothin'!  Although my weight loss is on a roll still, my muscle mass is deteriorating as we speak! So, I'd like to add some workouts to my life again.  I can and will do this one!
5.  I still have the goal of learning something new everyday.  For the next few weeks and months, I am positive I will in many more areas of life than already anticipated.

So, here again, I have re-evaluated life and so begins another short story in the book of Missy!

My Visions

So now that I've waited a day and thought about it, I guess I'll be okay if I expose my inner visions and feelings with you.  I would if I saw you in person, so I guess it's okay if I do on the web!  Here is the project I was working on over this past weekend.  I'm not going to tell you much about it - so enjoy the pictures and the view of "My Vision."

A vision of the future?

On Friday night, my husband enlightened me, and inspired me.  He told me of a movie he watched called The Secret.  After his summarizing, I came up with a million and one things I would like to have in life and envision myself doing or being. No, I have not watched the movie; however, I do intend to.  My husband did question it's ethics based on my religious practices, and said that he believed that some could interpret this energy as God.  So, as far as the movie - I'm not endorsing it, I'm not saying it's good, I'm not saying it follows my life philosophy. . .

BUT  the story he told me gave me some true inspiration.  Some crafting inspiration.  So much, so that I dreamt Friday night and Saturday night of this project.  Friday night I dreamt of the things I truly want in life; where I want to be, my goals, my desires, my needs and wants and prioritized them a little while sleeping.  So, I had some ideas in my head.  Just lucky enough, I had a crop this weekend supporting one of my favorite causes:  the American Cancer Society.  So, on Saturday, I did the pages I thought I needed to get done and started crafting on a book.  I took three hours to make this beautiful book from scrap cardboard that comes with paper packs, album pages, and page protectors and cut it to the size I wanted it, found the paper I wanted to use, adhered it, sanded it and inked the edges.  I even put hole punches in the sides to get set for the rings I was going to put in there.  I was content with my project.  It really is beautiful.  Then it was time to go home for the night.

So, I go to bed Saturday night and again dream of my project.  Turns out - my mind's eye had something totally different in store.  Something bold, something striking and something very creative was necessary for this life changing vision book I was going to make.  Yes, I had to put aside the ideas I had for my other book, consider selling it for some other person to enjoy.  Sunday morning after signing at church, I had a mission of a new project.  This new project involves BLACK, RED, WHITE & SILVER.  It is striking.  It is bold. It is creative.  It fell into place so much easier than the last one.  It is done in some ways, but needs some more visions in other ways, so it will be done in no time flat.  I was considering sharing it with you, but will have to think on that some more.  It's personal, and although there isn't anything on/in it that I wouldn't share with you, I'm not at the open-hearted stage to share it.  So maybe tomorrow night!  ;)

Whatever your thoughts will or will not be on my project, my true point is inspiration.  I cannot believe how taken I was with this inspirational moment.  I have been a very typical scrapper by doing only scrapbook pages and cards and rarely venturing out.  I'll tell you that the last time I did something like this my life was in turmoil and I did a book of New Year's Resolutions.  This book helped get me through what I was dealing with, and helped me see what I wanted in life.  Again this book is helping me see what truly is important to myself.  I am completely in awe of how this came about, turned out and what it means to me.  I hope you will enjoy seeing it when I do decide to share it with you. 

A weekend I enjoyed

Although there are many weekends I enjoy that include my family, this weekend did not.  This weekend included some of my best girl friends.  It included some time to rejuvenate.  It included some good food.  It included some great memories.  It was a scrapbook weekend!!  And I loved every minute of it!  Most weekends, I end up leaving or getting distracted and not getting as much done as I'd like; however, this past weekend I went to at the end of January with Kristen was absolutely amazing. 

 There are a large group of girls who get together with Kristen, my Creative Memories Consultant, who rents a house on the lake for us to get together and be creative.  Here are just a few of the memories we shared.

This is one of my friends, Laura.  As you can tell by another of my friends pictured on the left - not many of us are wanting our picture to be taken.  We are in the zone, and not looking our best.  Although, my girl Laura, is looking wonderful while working hard.

 So many times, people ask me what I bring to a weekend.  I bring everything, including the kitchen sink.  Because if I don't, I always want what I left at home!!!  So, here's my work space from a distance.  I have a lot of junk on the table - and there's some of Laura's and Kate's!  Since we have so many people, I also bring my lights.  I can't expect the CM consultant to have 2 lights for all 17 to 23 of us!    

And, I even use the shelves from the house we rented!!  I like to make sure everything is organized, and believe it or not I like to make sure that things are about where they are when I'm scrapping at home.  It makes it easier to find things, I don't have to think, "Now where did I put that THIS weekend?"  So, on the shelf are the things I don't need at the moment, which include the completed parts of my album, the album pages and page protectors.  I, sadly, even bring my mini shelves from home and put the little shoe boxes of things on them that are the same things I put on them at home.  Organizing in children's shoe boxes is very easy.  Each shoebox is large enough to put a few things in, but yet small enough to keep them from floating around and becoming a disaster.  For instance, one box has my glitter containers, one box has my velum quotes, and one box has my heat embossing powders.  Moving left to right (if facing the table) is my pages to do, the bag of letters and eyelets, markers, and can of necessities, tub of letter pages, carton of mat stacks, and then in the middle is my work space (with work in it at the time).  I really try to utilize all of my space.

I even use the floor space!!  If I were sitting there, to my left is my three drawer cart, which fits under my scrap table.  Then behind me is my big shot.  In the black cart is various colors of cardstock.  The shelves I had already mentioned includes a craft sewing machine, and an iHome on the top.  You have to have your tunes, and a place to charge your iPod!  It also has three "book" organizers of metals, buttons, and ribbons.  On the bottom are clear "envelope" type folders that are 12x12 that hold random papers, tags and stickers.  Those make organizing by theme or kit so easy!

What do you bring on your weekend crops?  You'll have to let me know. 

Life is a journal of memories!

The post is rather late; however, I made this as a Christmas gift for one of my aunts.  I like to make her something, and I think she appreciates a home made gift. 

When planning what to do for her gift, I was out shopping and found those composition notebooks for cheap.  Not as cheap as the beginning of the school year - but cheap enough.  I didn't have any idea what exactly I would do with them, but I knew I could manage to get something crafty done with them.

The paper I used was from an older retired Creative Memories pack that was the smaller than 12x12 size.  In the power palettes they had, all of the paper was coordinating, so I chose the background paper, the mat stack pieces and then reduced the size of the layered mat to fit within the bottom mat.  I stamped the "memories" in a color from Stampin' Up!.  Then took the edges of the notebook and sanded them so nothing had a cut edges other than down the right side.  After sanding, I used an ink pad to distress the notebook.  Also, for the memories edges, they were distressed using Close To My Heart's edge distresser, and then inked to give it that aged look. 

There's more coming - and I hope you enjoyed this project!

Life's Journey

As I haven't blogged in a long time, I guess I am re-evaluating that as well.  Life has it's twists and turns.  Thank God for that.  You meet new people, change some preferences and learn about yourself.  It keeps it interesting, you know?  As I re-evaluate some things since I have started blogging, I've learned a little bit as well and thought I would share that with you.

1.  My goal of weight loss is well on it's way.  I've been happily working out anywhere from three to six times a week, and eating healthy.  Although after this week's conference, where I was traveling for two days, I ate horrible and wouldn't be surprised that I gained some back.  No worries though, I really enjoy working out and am looking forward to a workout in the morning, and falling back into the routine of eating well again.

2. I really wanted to blog a lot of my scrapbook stuff, and ended up blogging a lot more about cards more than my pages.  So, we'll see how that goes.  It isn't easy to just get the pictures of everything I do, or pick what I really want to focus on to blog about.  Live and learn, and continue with goal making.

3. My goal of a dirty job for each day was truly aimed for the summer, and I think over the summer I did a decent job of it.  Now for spring break (which I am eagerly anticipating) I will have to pull out my list of dirty jobs, again.  I think now they are going to include putting new cabinets in the kitchen and washing some handprints off my walls.  Some of those handprints, obviously made by the adults in this house, are ready to come off.  The lower handprints on my walls really need to come off; however, the memory of them and cleaning them off is something I hope to treasure forever.

4. A scrapbook entitled, "A week in the life" has yet to become to anything. . . hmmm.  This one is still on my mind and still a desire to get done.

5. Next there comes this thing. . . and this is what has been on my mind for a while.  My word for the year.  Well, my word for the year is happiness.  I am a generally happy person but strive to make happiness the center of my being.  Happiness for my self and my family.  Happiness in the decisions I make.  Happiness as a whole part of my life, not just a sometimes at home, and shown always in public.  This theme for my year has become an obsession, and something I have been dwelling on.  My desire to make happiness encompass all of the sections of my life and being.

6.  I also have a goal to learn something new everyday.  This goal, I think, should be important to everyone in the world.  When you stop learning, you stop bettering yourself, you stop evolving, you stop growing, you stop, period.  I honestly can name multiple things I have learned in the past few days, especially due to attending the most recent Minds In Motion conference.  And, I don't limit learning just to knowledge of information, but include learning about people. 

So as I re-evaluate where things are heading with this blog, I have also re-evaluated where things are going with my goals as well.  Hang on for the ride, and I hope you enjoy what's to come!