My friends keep reminding me that this time of year is very difficult for me. I don't feel it, but I do agree. I'll share my story...
My momma, was in her early forties when she was diagnosed with breast cancer for the first time. I was 16. I was pissed. At my mom. Can you believe that she had the audacity to burden me with cancer? Geesh, how stupid was I! At that time, though, that is all I thought about. There I was, the summer before my junior year in high school, wanting to get my driver's license, in a community theatre show, and dating a nice boy. Her having cancer and finding out it was genetic in nature meant I was going to get it, my dad was going to have to teach me to drive and that she wouldn't be able to take me to practice or on dates with the aforementioned nice boy. This was all that consumed me. I cried more for my new destiny of cancer than for my mom going through this.
I mention all of this to enlighten you about how "children" may view the diagnosis of cancer. It was an absolutely ridiculous way to react and think. And looking back on that summer, I admit how stupidly selfish and horrible I was. However, like everything in my life, I do not regret this. I learned. I learned an enormous amount.
That summer and the months following, I observed a lot and had many lessons. I watched her go through chemotherapy all the while forcing herself to go to work everyday. She exercised almost daily and made many healthy choices in her life. She got frustrated when the doctors told her to quit smoking, and replied to the doctors, "Someday they'll find out green beans will give you cancer." She had a mastectomy and did not go through reconstructive surgery. She LIVED that. She went through her life dealing well with this sudden diagnosis. I cried a lot in my room, and after awhile that crying went from crying for me and my destiny to crying for what my mother fought through and endured. She was amazing through this time. She was a fighter to the core. She lost energy, health, stamina and negativity. She gained courage and strength.
Things like this always change people, but I have to say I wasn't around to watch that. My junior year of school, was just another year where I got to see my mother daily at the lunchroom cafeteria where she worked. Then, I changed, and found out my mom was my best friend....just in time for my senior year and all that comes with it. My senior year involved cadet teaching, performing in musicals, dating, working, 4-H, socializing, and looking for colleges. It didn't involving spending exorbitant amounts of time with my mother, but I did learn that year to appreciate her, in a way I will never forget. Then, I went away to college for the typical four years, and found a guy to marry at the end of those years. In college, I would call home and ask permission from my mother to go shopping or to a movie, just because I missed her. I would call home any chance I got, just because I missed her. When I visited home, I would spend all the time I could with her, just because I missed her. My friends complained, but I didn't care. And I am so glad I did. I graduated from college in May of 2000.....
On October 20, 2000, my mother's 49th birthday, she was again diagnosed with cancer. After months of random health issues, a so-called broken rib, diverticulitis, gall bladder issues, and just feeling yucky, they finally figured out that her cancer had come back and had metastasized. Since this has been 11 years ago, I don't remember where the cancer had spread, and to what degree it had taken over her body, but I do remember standing in her newly remodeled kitchen, holding her on her birthday. Me, the selfish child who had grown so much, held my mother and supported her with everything I had.
Again, my mother fought this. Fought this with everything she had. As the cancer had spread to soft tissue organs and within her bones, a different, more powerful, chemotherapy drug was necessary. My mother took this in stride. She was an amazing fighter. She held her grandchildren tightly and loved them dearly. She made time to spend with family and friends, because that is what uplifted her. Through most of this, I spent one night a week at my parents home to spend time with my mom, it was time I treasured. She smiled more when the cards came in the mail, or when people called to talk to her. 9/11 hit and it devastated her. We uplifted her by having a surprise birthday party for her that she really didn't want! She was on high for days from that. Then, her fight became more difficult as through these months, the chemotherapy would have to be changed to keep the cancer from spreading - not curing - just from spreading. She had lost all of her hair, which was so hard for her. Her struggle had become a battle and had increased to an all out war. She had made it to Christmas. Her favorite holiday of the year. I helped her get ready that day. She had gone from being 5'2" and 160ish pounds to being that height and under 90 pounds. But with a smile on her face, and presents passed out, she looked amazing. Merely days after Christmas, I spent a night in the hospital with her, and then suddenly held her hand and let her go to a place where she suffered and fought no more.
As I face this month, I think about how life impacts you. I'm proud to say I'm a girl, and am okay with saying that, someday, I will announce I am FIGHTING LIKE A GIRL! Currently, I just look forward to an early onslaught of cancer prevention that will start when I turn 34. Daily, I take thought in actions of cancer prevention, and I hope you do, too.
