So, I'm just wondering a little bit about insecurities.... I'm hoping everyone has at least one...I know I have a bazillion.
So, my best friend, Webster, defines insecurity as being not confident or unsure (among a few others, of course, because Webster is good like that, you know?). Interestingly enough, Webster also comments that insecure can mean not guarded enough. I'm taking a connection to both of those definitions and wanted to divulge a little quandary of mine.
I AM insecure, and I know it. I am also confident, and I know it. Is that an oxymoron? I'd like to explain.
My insecurities are not in myself; however, they are in what others think of me, how others react to me. Let's take, for example, a dating scenario. Dating isn't for the weak and insecure, it could seriously make a person batty (ha ha, I thought of you, K.). Two people meet and know nothing about each other - they don't know rituals, routines, wants, desires, needs, habits, lifestyles, preferences, likes, dislikes, etc. These two people find a physical attraction, hit it off and start dating. And so begins a bucket full of insecurities (I hope I'm not alone in thinking this) when one person starts to fall....like fall in like, or like fall in to wanting a person more, or one might say, begin to fall in love. I start to wonder and over analyze what the silence is, why did that person say that, do they understand my crazy wild sarcasm, what did they mean by that comment, is this the beginning of the end??????
Even in friendships, new and old, these insecurities (at least for me, that is) can find a way to push into the relationship. Friendships are ever-changing, they grow, and are fueled by need, but maintained by a desire to consistently communicate with that person. But as they ebb and flow, so begins a bucket full of insecurities....
Given these insecurities, I still am confident. I know that I am "worth-it" to some people. I know that I am a good person. I am confident that I am a good friend, and am confident and happy with who I am. I don't think I am the best, don't think me cocky....just comfortable knowing I am of value, not riches, but value.
